justrun-.

the worst week ever

i cannot remember the last time i felt so exhausted and braindead. and it's not just for a day, it's been the whole damn week. sleeping past one am to rush work. then waking up to a shitty day in school. i've got this bloody headache now. been there for a few days now. my eyes feel so tired. everything does. my body, my mind, my soul.

haven't trained for TWO days already. plus i'm not going tmr. i'm feeling so dead that i feel like i've forgotten what it's like to run, swim or cycle. wanted to go for a run sometime yestd, or today. but i've been SOOOO TIRED i just don't know how to bring myself to do it.

this feeling's so bad. so so so so bad. school is torture. not the torture it used to be, that was just torture. now it's BLOODY TORTURE. the school should just make us all jump off the building. i think it's much more painless that way. rather than this suicide PT,SA,FA approach. if soldiers ever want to torture POWs, THIS IS THE SURE WAY. go feed them with all these tests and shit and whatever crap.

so much work. so little time. so little energy. i want to train as well. actually maybe i don't. i don't know anymore. i'm so disorientated now.... grrr

to add on to that, there's this matter of teachers telling you that your behavior's terrible. garnish perferred me when i was depressed i see. makes me so mad. i mug my ass off and you tell me i need to put in more effort. i used to take notes for every damn lesson. even when you gave us the powerpoints! now i just want to rot. is my attitude that bad? mrpms wants to see me regarding the letter... mrtan thinks i am "one of those". what could be worse? all that shit now all this shit.

i am the cause of a chemi-failure. remind me never to try to make things better. i don't know why i always try to put in so much effort even when i know that time after time it never pays off.

i swear, the BEST thing that happened to me this week, was when i got hit in my left eye by a tennis ball during PE. cos after that i fell to the ground and laughed for a whole minute.

GOD! I'VE LOST IT ALREADY.

what the F*** am i doing?!

[pat]* decided to runaway-.

put on her shoes at [21:35]

and took [20060421] strides

it's the passion that drives you